The sum of which is,,

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven…. His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing? Little Johnny answered, I'm doing my math homework, Mom. And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? the mother asked. Yes, he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, What are you teaching my son in math? The teacher replied, Right now, we are learning addition. The mother asked, And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four? After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

10 dare

Top 10 Sarcastic Dares:
Sarcastically speaking, I dare you to do some of the things found on my top ten list.
10. Pull into a gas station and use the window washer to wash your entire car.
9. Ask a bank teller to break a $100 bill for you. Then when asked how you want it done say, "in hundreds". 8. Call a political candidate's campaign office and ask them for a donation to your non-candidacAy. 7. Ask a security guard how it feels knowing that in all the action movies the security guards are always the first to die. 6. When you get credit card offers in the mail, stuff the prepaid envelopes with toilet paper and mail them back. (whether you use new or used toilet paper is totally up to you.) 5. Call your bank and ask them to add your checking account onto the $700 billion government bail out plan. 4. Find someone who is big into worrying about the threat of global warming, remind them of their own carbon dioxide and body heat contribution to the planet, and ask them to stop it. 3. Ask a judge if you can get away with murder as long as you can convince a jury of your peers ahead of time that it is justified. 2. Send a bill to every TV station, radio station, cell phone company, and satellite company, charging them an "access fee" for the waves they broadcast through your property. If they refuse payment, charge them with trespassing. And the #1 Sarcastic Dare... 1. Circulate a petition to put "intelligent human beings" on the endangered species list.

Give her my room key

Three girls must answer a question before enetering in heaven 3 girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl. "Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime". "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."

200 dollars of quarters

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her & said, "I'll give U a $100 if U'll let me have sex with U." The girl looked at him shocked & said "Hell no!" He said "I'll be real quick-I'll throw the money on the floor, U bend over to get it, & I'll be finished by the time U've picked it up!" She thought for a moment & told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him & explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, & he won't even be able to get his pants down!" She agreed & accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by & the boyfriend is still waitin for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls & asks, "What the fuck happened?" Still breathin hard she managed to reply, "That bastard had all QUARTERS!!!!"

That son of a bitch

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where. Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!

10" in 5" out

There were two old-maid-sisters… both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin… I'm going out and I'm not coming home till I've been laid!"
Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."
10 O'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys… 11 O'clock… 12 O'clock…
Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys… straight to the bathroom. Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself. "What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty. "Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in… and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

I can have as many as I want

Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one! The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling Nah na nah na nah. The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them! Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one! The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl Well, what do you have to say NOW? So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!